I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
