His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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