I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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