We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
