He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
