yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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