She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
