Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
