I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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