oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
