so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
