Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
