So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
