You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
