so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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