he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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