You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
