I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
