we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
