Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize