he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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