i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
