So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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