You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize