So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
