somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Randomize
