In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
a search helicopter?!
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
