No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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