in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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