you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
