Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
