you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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