I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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