I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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