My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
