she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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