I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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