and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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