I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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