my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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