Me too!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
