I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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