What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
