you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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