This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
