honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
