So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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