so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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