I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
