We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Who died my cat blue again?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
