I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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