For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
