I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
