okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
