The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
