I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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