Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
