There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
