U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
