So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
