You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
organizing the empties. That sober.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
