I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize