Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
