i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
