paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Actions speak louder than pants.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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