There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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