she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
