rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
birth control should be required to get into college
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
